/////

Mon, 04 Sep 2006 21:41:46 GMT

Sat, 19 Aug 2006 18:52:28 GMT

think of your life before you and your boyfriend were living together. sure, you felt alone and you wanted that "certain someone" to be with, but that someone has made everyone else in your life want to not be around you after getting to really know who you chose as your significant other. i don't hate you, but my life is a lot better without the jon bullshit i really don't need anymore. i still tried to talk to you and be good friends, but your lame "you make me nervous like a schoolgirl crush so i can't talk to you" responses pissed me off and has made me give up on even trying to talk to you since we're obviously nowhere near as close to eachother as you say we were or you wouldn't have a problem talking to me.

maybe if you would have left your boyfriend when you had the chance you wouldn't feel like dying. maybe you would be happy. maybe you and i would be together right now and this update would have never happend, even though it's the red alert that i still care about you, but so do a lot of people, you just suck at keeping thoughs important to you close and you're really awesome and hurting everyone you know one way or another. i just refuse to be in your life if jon's in it aswell considering i know i'll be found in a ditch, because i said "you're so goofy" to the wrong person whenever he was fucked up on whatever he likes to go overboard on

"he's not like this all of the time, it's cool"

yeah, alright

Tue, 15 Aug 2006 04:23:56 GMT

the summer of derek the tree

the summer of john adams takes office

the summer of love

Wed, 12 Apr 2006 05:57:25 GMT

occasionally i like to talk to mirrors so i never have to explain myself

Sat, 25 Mar 2006 01:07:06 GMT

remember the telephone conversation we had the night before i left for washington and when you said, "please don't forget about me"? "i couldn't forget you if i tried." remember the telephone conversation we had when i got back and when i said, "i missed you so much"?

guess what, i miss you so much that i couldn't forget you if i tried

Sun, 05 Mar 2006 10:06:27 GMT

dear, joshua trueba

you are the worst thing that has ever happend to me. you were the first person i fully trusted and all you ever did was lie to me. now because of you i can no longer trust anyone and i am constantly parinoid. what you put me through was unnesessary and if you had any feelings what so ever, you would apoligize for causing me so much bullshit, but you are just a pretty face with nothing to show for it. i still tried to be your friend and i still wished you well, but what you did tonight was the most arrogant and inconsiderate thing that i have ever incounterd. did you think it was going to be a big blow to my feelings? did you think that it was going to hurt me? were you trying to make me cry? congradulations, you are one sorry sack of shit and i know you well enough to say that with confidence.

note: this does not concern you unless you are joshua trueba, so please keep your fucking comments to yourself, you don't know what you're talking about.

Thu, 09 Feb 2006 23:06:15 GMT

travis lemer,
i am very happy that i got to see you today
when you left i realized how much i missed you
your suprise visits have always been the best
and i want more and more of them

Sat, 24 Dec 2005 00:23:07 GMT

i had a dream lastnight
i was in a summer beach house
this beach house was five stories and had five star class everything
from the bed linnin to the gormet cuisine served in every meal
i was there with every girl i had ever envied
every girl i was ever jealous of
everywhere i turned, someone was there looking down on me
someone was there with such amazing beauty i could never achieve
personality far exceeding mine
i was the bottom of the foodchain
as i was walking to my room
there was a little girl her eyes already in tears
i don't recall her name
she was waiting outside my bedroom door
long black hair
dazzling green eyes
skinny figuer
blue sun dress
gorgeous face
i could see why i would envy her
she hugged me, held on to me rather, and said "remember the first day we met?"
without embracing her back, i told her i did, yes
i started to feel the tears stain my dress as she looked at me and told me "i thought you were the most amazing person in the whole world"
i told her to stop, that i had to go
she let go of me with her head bowed and started walking toward the opposite direction i was headed
getting my key to unlock my bedroom i came across an old abondoned libraby
antique furnature for reading stations
every piece of literature was ridden with dust
ancient books lined the walls
i found a bench infront of one of the bookshelves
it had sat there since the opening days of the library, begging for the company of someone taking the pleasure in an uncomfortable sit to remind themselves of their posture
i sat with my sholders back, legs crossed at the ankle, head up
just as my father had taught me
i stared at the books i knew i would never read
then my mother sat beside me
"books are your only friends"
i woke up
facing my window sill, where i line my books
my mother came in to wake me not knowing my eyes were already open and ready for the new day
with the same words she has used to wake me for as long as i can remember
"books are your only friends"
i'm starting to believe her more and more every morning

josh made up a game
you tell eachother something the other person doesn't know about ourselves
i honestly wouldn't want to play with anyone else
it's my favorite thing to do in the whole world
he is my favorite person in the whole world
i am very grateful he is in my life
i've grown dependant on him
knowing he's not going to be there for me sooner or later
i don't know how to stop
i don't want to stop

cereal is my comfort food

redroserevolvers: I miss you
redroserevolvers signed off at 4:37:09 PM.

darcy is not missing
darcy is not dead
i just wish she would have given me enough time to try to explain
how much i miss her
how much i still need her
i am still waiting for her to come back
it's ridiculous how little we've known eachother
how close we are
yet i haven't heard from her in months

ashlie suprised me today
i needed her so ridiculously bad
the thirty minutes we spent talking together without jon being there
incredible
she is my diary
only she talks back
i love her very very very much
i worry more about jon than i should
he really is a great guy
i hope they truely are happy together
they both deserve it

dear, amanda cooper sooper dooper,
i am going to miss you terribly
it was adorable how you left chocolate, barns&noble gift card, and bradly hathaway's book in your mail box as my christmas present
[just borrowing hathaway]
still great none the less
i love you so much
i'm sorry for asking for a wonka bar again
i was half asleep and being rude

it is currently 7:08 in the morning and i just got off the telephone with josh
no matter how bad the conversation started
it still ended with me still caring about him more than ever
he is an incredible best friend
i like the way things worked out

tonight was definatly the most inspiring nights of my life
i didn't think it was possible for me to cry this much
it's a mad world

Sun, 22 May 2005 00:11:25 GMT

friends only